I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
