Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Holy sore nipples Batman
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My life is pants optional.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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