I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
