You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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