Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
