White coat. Heels.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
