so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
