Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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