I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sober January is a disaster.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
