I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
