my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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