Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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