Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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