I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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