I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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