Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
