You work out of a Hotel?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
