I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
