The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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