She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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