nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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