I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
