I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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