You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
