Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
