A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
