so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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