Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
