This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
