Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
