I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
