I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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