your thong is hanging out like whoa
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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