I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
