i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Randomize
