i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
