Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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