Whod you bang
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
