I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
