When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
