My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i will never coherently bang her
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I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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