so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize