found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
