I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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