Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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