Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
