She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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