I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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