the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
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I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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