you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
