summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
