i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
