You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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