She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
