I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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