I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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