Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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