Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My vagina is officially offended.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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