Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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