I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
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Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
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We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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