You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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