and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My vagina just recognized that song.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
