It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
