I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
