i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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